Last summer, the first inclination toward yoga teacher training lit a spark within me. I had started attending kundalini classes more regularly and what always struck me were the messages shared at each class. These were messages that I could foresee myself sharing with anyone who would be open to receive them.
Of course, I love Hatha and Vinyasa flow yoga as well and yes, the thought had also crossed my mind about taking a teacher training for that form of yoga, but if I had to decide which to do first, I was ignited at the thought of teaching a technology that inspires each individual to embark on a truly significant excavation of self in order to unleash the most compassionate, courageous and creative version of themselves.
Within Kundalini Yoga there are countless empowering kriyas and meditations that revoke the negative mind from imprisoning our ability to manifest our dreams, goals, and intentions. Through this active practice of awareness, the primal purpose is to uplift oneself and others. I have always considered myself a champion for other people's dreams and goals.
At this point, it was more of an intention to enroll in kundalini teacher training, but I still wondered HOW I was actually going to be able to attend. The price tag on the training is significant and while working full time, being a mother of three, dedicated to my communities, would I have the space and time to be successful?
Then May of this year brought me to the end of having to work full time. As I mentioned before, during my work uncertainty, I dug deep into kundalini and this re-ignited my desire to pursue teacher training. On May 29th, I had a significant breakthrough during a kundalini class:
Through the meditation that day, I was visited by a vision of myself as a young girl about six years old. I saw her (me) absolutely clearly: my tight curly hair, my missing-teeth smile, dark skin, lanky frame, and my sweet sweet face. At the sight of myself, I wanted to embrace her and I started to tell her that any message that she ever received about not being good enough were lies. "You are worthy. You can do anything" I told the young visage of myself. As I told her these things, I realized I could finally accept this for myself. I could rid myself of the black magic cast on me when I was too young to know not to accept it. I am not too lazy, too spoiled, too rotten. I am this beautiful little girl staring up at me here to remind me of my pure nature. Her presence also reminded me of the belief I had in myself as a child. I knew then that I could do and be anything I wanted. This experience broke me open in the most profound and healing manner. It was only after class that I found out our blessed teacher was leading us through a mediation that would connect us to our child spirit.
Sharing lunch after class with my teacher and with a friend we had an equally inspiring conversation. I'm thankful for my journal, because I recorded the parts of that conversation I wanted to retain:
- Free will vs. Divine Will. Not everything that is free is good. Free will is more concerned with satisfying the ego, whereas divine will is driven by one's Higher Self, the part that reconnects us to our Truth.
- We manifest with every breath & every word. Be aware and vigilant of what we are calling to ourselves with our words. If you ever see me waving my hand across the sky and exclaiming, "Cancel that!" you know that I just caught words that I do not want to manifest.
- AND, best part... the first mention of applying for the work-study scholarship for Level One Kundalini Teacher Training was uttered. I remember my friend wondering how decisions are made for the scholarship. Our teacher said, Guru decides. All I knew then was, OK, I'll look into it. Why not?
Also in May, I committed to a creative visualization meditation. Each time I visualized my dream through this meditation the vision continued to expand. On May 31st, I wrote in my journal for the first time, "I am a kundalini trained teacher." By June 4th, I wrote in my journal:
"I am a kundalini trained teacher, I applied for the scholarship and received it. My gratitude makes me an exceptional student. Disciplined and focused, I do all of my assignments on time."
Four days later, I attended my friends' Kundalini teacher training graduation. Intoxicated by the energy of the day, I knew I had to join this community. A deep knowing told me that I was going to attend this upcoming fall's class of teachers in training.
After the graduation, I made a point to introduce myself to the administrator of the studio. I was probably beaming from ear to ear as I told her my intention to enroll in the training, and that I would be emailing her to inquire more about the program and also about the work-study scholarship. Three days later, I sent that promised email. I stayed persistent in my efforts to express my deep interest in enrollment by making some follow-up emails, a Facebook connection and phone calls. God bless the administrator for being as lovely as she is with all of my directed enthusiasm.
July 16th, I was sitting at my computer around 3:15 P.M. when I saw a post on Facebook from the yoga school inviting anyone interested in the upcoming teacher training to come that night at 6 PM for an informational discussion. I messaged my hubby, "Babe, I think I need to go to this tonight. I will try to make it back for class tonight. But it's a perfect night to go." An hour later I was on the road to Los Angeles, listening to mantra music, bypassing any frustration that would have been caused by traffic due to the excitement of taking this next step toward manifesting this visualized goal.
So... when I reached the studio and walked in, the administrator recognized me right away, although we hadn't seen each other since graduation over a month prior. She expressed she was happy that someone showed up, because she knew she had given little notice for that night's information session. The fortunate circumstance was that I was the ONLY person who showed up that night! This allowed for the two of us to sit intimately talking and sharing with one another our stories and background. The conversation was so lovely, natural and comfortable.
When I was asked what skills I had that may be useful for the work-study program, I shared about my experience covering my home yoga studio while the owners were away on vacation. I had been trained on the system that most yoga studios use to operate their business. This was good news, because I wouldn't need extensive training on their system! By the end of our conversation, I felt we had developed a really genuine rapport. The administrator then says to me that she feels really great about offering me the work-study scholarship if I can commit to the time requirements.
Waheguru!!!
Yogi Bhajan, the Guru who brought Kundalini to the West, says, "Creation is ready to serve you, if you just BE YOU." That's what I did. I was me and it got me the work-study scholarship!
Yogi Bhajan also says, "I do not believe in miracles, I rely on them."
There is another miracle that I am manifesting. Part of my spiritual development encouraged by one my spiritual teachers is to become a social entrepreneur. Any social action requires the involvement of many. My vision is to use all of these opportunities for growth, education, and skill-building to serve others. Through my creative visualization, it has been revealed to me the scope for which I am building the foundation. However, this scope of service will involve many hands, minds, hearts, talents, and contributors. To prepare me for all the recruiting and funding I will be called to accomplish, I am fundraising my portion of the kundalini yoga teacher training.
Let me be very honest with you, this is a breakthrough goal for me. I learned at the California's Women's Conference I attended in May that a breakthrough goal is a quantum leap that will require me to grow in order to achieve it. I will have to learn something new or change to reach the goal. Up to this point, I have been miserable with fundraising. It seriously gives me an ache in my belly. But on May 20th, I wrote in my journal during a breakout session at the Women's Conference, "Funding - my biggest challenge --> mental block. May be an area I need to grow in --> Breakout Goal?" This statement was more prophetic than I realized at the time. Seventeen days later, my spiritual teacher gives me the challenge of seeing myself as a social entrepreneur and a big component is fundraising. This is no coincidence. This is Divine Will playing itself out through me.
Many of you following along on my blog and those I have shared my story with have also expressed your enthusiasm for this journey. I now humbly ask you to support me in reaching my goal amount for my financial contribution toward teacher training. This is a big act of trust. Trust that I can ask you and accept whatever blessing you bestow on this goal of mine. Whether it is a financial blessing or a prayer of goodwill, I am at your service.
I have set up a GoFundMe account to raise money: Raise 4 Z's Kundalini Training. I am raising $2,000 to cover my portion of the training and to cover gas required to travel up to LA weekly for the work-study and one weekend a month for training.
In return, I will continue to update you all with this blog, and as an added bonus, part of my training is to teach my community, so I would love for you to be part of my first classes. I may even upload videos, for my long distance tribe members.
I could choose to be shy and entertain feelings of unworthiness, but no way! I choose to keep my TRUST and ENTHUSIASM high. I am already reaching this goal. Intention set. Can I have your blessing?
Thank you for following along with my journey and for partnering up with me in manifesting miracles.
Sat Nam & Namaste!
Z
This is so great! When I get paid I am for sure donating!!
ReplyDeleteWay to take a big, scary step! I can get behind that :)
ReplyDelete"I live in gratitude now more than ever." really resonates with me.