Change and its infinite
possibilities have an invigorating force. When change bombarded my life, after
my initial fears, I welcomed it with an unusual embrace. I chose to see my job
termination as liberation, a welcoming into my new impassioned life. My
supportive community's energetic well wishes levitated my spirits to heights
where any desired avenue felt within my reach. However, a great sense of
responsibility overcame me as well. Pursuing this new life was not meant
for my self-realization alone, it included doing well by family, my community,
and my world. I wanted to be sure I wasn't deluding myself.
Remember, I have no tangible plan. I
have a calling – to serve with my talents; and I have a mantra – Pray and Move
Your Feet. But how do I know if I am listening with my
spiritual ears? How
can I be sure that I am not just telling myself what I want to hear so I can feel good about losing my job? I
mean, I am steering toward my destiny on this premise. I needed assurances.
In order to stay centered, I
committed to reciting a mantra that I learned in kundalini yoga for forty consecutive days: The
Triple Mantra. Practicing
this mantra provides protection from accidents and keeps negativity away. It
allows the mind to talk to itself in a cosmic way by reprogramming it to operate
from neutrality, helping to be guided by faith and not fear which ultimately
opens ourselves to expansion and creativity. Perfect, right? To end the
Triple Mantra, it is instructed to sit
in silence and listen.
As I practiced each morning, I
experienced that the silence is the meat of meditation. Silence is the
beginning and the answer to everything. This is where I hear with my spiritual
ears. In this sacred silence, I began hearing responses to questions on which I
sought answers. This is where I meet with Voice. Although I was filled with such a serene
peace after these revealing moments, a seed of doubt within still wondered, "Is it really what I think it is? God? Spirit? Inner Knowing? Higher
Self? My divinity?" Its name is not
really important to me here, but could I
trust Voice?
For instance, since I had been
terminated from my employer, when I applied for unemployment, the circumstances
that lead to my termination had to be verified by a phone interview with the
Employment Development Department (EDD). During my morning meditation the day of my phone interview, I offered up the anxiety I had about what I should say and speculation of what EDD would decide: approval or appear before an appeals
court? The direction from Voice was to have integrity and everything would be fine.
Be truthful. When the call came in, I took a deep breath, placed
my free hand in Buddhi mudra, which aids in clear communication, and I answered
the questions calmly and honestly. The EDD representative informed me that they
would need to verify a couple of things with my former employer, and if there
were no further issues I would receive notification that my claim was approved.
At the end of the call I was nervous for a moment, but
then I took another deep breath, exhaled, and texted my husband that I felt I
did my best, I was clear and honest and now it was in God’s hands.
A week or so later, my husband
checked the mail and in there was my approved claim form! Wahe Guru! Har Har Har Har! But where was the money?
EDD provides payment through a debit
card. We received the approval form, but there was no card. So we waited. And we
waited. After another week, Doubt began to sprout roots again. Maybe something
went wrong. What if I don’t get it after all?
In my meditations, I offered up my
doubts. Voice answered, “You’re fine. Everything is taken care of; just keep
doing what you’re doing.” By no coincidence, in my yoga classes, my
teachers spoke about how the Universe honors the heart of love and service
by providing means to sustain a livelihood in order to free up energy and will
to serve. Trust in the Universe is paramount here. For this reason there is no
need for me to worry about money.
More time passed with no card
arriving in the mail, I went again into meditation, and just like my
six-year-old daughter repeats her questions I asked again about the money. I was a child and Voice became my parent, “I already answered you, everything
is taken care of. You don’t need to worry. Keep doing what you’re doing.”
My husband finally prodded me to
inquire with EDD about the debit card. I called and the recorded greeting
informed me that if a claimant had been issued an EDD debit card it expires in
three years. In a flash of clarity I thought to myself, "my youngest son
is three-years-old, and three years ago I was on maternity leave after he was
born; my benefits were given through a debit card." Wait…
Suddenly, I remembered that under
the center console of my car is an old wallet that I store cards I hardly use
and I was pretty sure I kept the old EDD card in there. I walked out to my car
and sure enough, as I recalled, in the hoarder wallet of forgotten cards, there
it was!
Incredulously, I hesitated for a moment;
this would be too easy, too weird, and too coincidental. But I called the
number on the back of the card anyway, followed the electronic prompts and sure
enough… the entire balance of my claim for the past three weeks was on THAT
card!!! I had the money all along just like Voice had assured me.
You’re fine.
Everything is taken care of; just keep doing what you’re doing.
What a confirmation! I am listening with my spiritual ears. I can trust Voice. I have an inner guide
that I can surrender my doubts and fears to; and in the sublime silence be
wisely directed. A friend who was there for this revelation said, “You’re
like Dorothy! You had the ruby slippers on the whole time.” I clicked my heels
in delight.
In Guru Singh’s latest book, Buried Treasures, he writes,
“Use the tools you’re learning about. Meditation is your power; prayer is your
guide; and silence is your messenger.”
I am learning to use Fear and Doubt
to my benefit. When their anxious songs begin, I know it is my signal to return
to a neutral mind state. I must seek silence so Voice can speak. I feel
like I am in Edification Camp with Soul. Soul is building me up right now.
Providing me with these important lessons and confirmations, teaching me to
keep aware, to quiet myself, to surrender and to trust so when obstacles or
opposition come my way, I will embrace and love them without resistance so I
can flow around them and keep pushing forward on my mission.
Meditation has now become my
internal GPS device directing me to achieve my goals. I may not have a concrete
plan, but I do have an internal map and guide that leads me by faith and
intuition. This is Voice. Just like most of us do not head out to a new
destination without consulting some kind of satellite navigation, I am learning
to tune in to my internal GPS on this wild new trek.
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